*grumble grumble*

I'm at a point right now where good stuff coming up is jsut making me want to slam my head against a brick wall. I've had enough. I'm exhausted. No more.

There is a lot of stuff going on in the next 6 weeks and each new thing that comes up is making me want to cry. I'm not coping to well with it all. Again. Pretty much the only thing keeping a smile on my face is riding. What's really bothering me? Spring Harvest.

I've been to Spring Harvest the past two years. The first year I was at the highest point I've been since I got CFS and I coped really well, had a great time and had no hesitations on going the following year. Except by April last year I'd relapsed massivly and going really wasn't in my best interests. But I went anyway. I had fun with the girls I shared a caravan with, but the whole thing was way, way too much. Like half the group I came back with flu. Flu that kept me ill for about a month. Not fun.

This year, I'm still really not well and probably actually worse than last year. I want to go. I want to have a good time but right now all I can see is a week full of things I'll feel I have to do reguardless of how I feel and I know I'll be really ill by the time I come home. And seeing as that's 2 days before my 21st birthday, I'm not really looking forward to that.

There is a lot I need to fit in before I go too, so even though it's 4 and a half weeks away, all I'm going is stressing about it. I just don't want to know. I don't want to think about it. I can't think of it as a good thing right now, I can only think of it as a big bad thing and I want nothing to do with it.

Do I have any chance of recovering enough between now and then to even half enjoy it? Highly unlikely. Making it one of many things that should be a really great thing, but become really bad thanks to CFS. Oh the joy.