Ponies!

Heh, okay, horses, not ponies. Poppy is way too tall to be a pony. And so are Winston, and Jake. And Barney. Just.

Today was my riding lesson, the first after the half term break, so the first for 2 weeks. Yay!

All last term I'd turn up for my lesson not knowing who I'd be riding. Apart from one lesson on Barney.






















Barney is my angel. I love him to bits. He's a 14.3 black cob, I think Welsh Sec D cross. He's really forward but very responsive, so you don't have to worry about him taking off. I was riding him regularly for a term before the summer last year, then at the first lesson back in September after the summer break, I had a (somewhat) serious accident off him. Not his fault, saddle slipped when cantering and nothing I could do to stay on. Hit the floor followed by the wall and was very greatful for my helmet. Badly strained my rotator cuff and basically couldn't move my right arm for most of the week.

My instructor wouldn't let me get back on in that saddle cause it was new, and not the one I was used to riding, so I rode a different horse for the rest of that lesson (I was in shock, had no idea my arm was so bad, pain was dulled 'til the adrenilin wore off), that horse was Jake, who I'd ridden lots before and get on well with. Worried that I was going to panic or get too wound up riding Barney again so soon, I was on Jake for the rest of the term. Wasn't needed, it's the only bad fall where I've gotten up and not cared been anxious the next lesson, cause it was pure bad luck about the saddle, I wasn't thrown, I fell. Anyway, I was then riding Marge for a while, who is a nice enough horse, but I don't get on with her very well at all.

So when the first lesson back after Christmas on Marge went badly, my instructor finally put me back on Barney. Wow I'd missed him!! He really is a sweetie and just want's to please. Now in theory that should be it, he should be my regular ride and I'd have ridden him weekly since. But no, I don't have that kind of luck. He went seriously lame and has been off for weeks. So I rode Winston (a total gentleman, very sweet horse) a couple times and Jake too last term.

Today I once again turned up not knowing who I'd be on, cause I knew no matter what, Barney wouldn't be in full work again yet (he is, however, being brought back in to work, which is really great news). And when one of the volunteers read the list of horses for me, so I could maybe know who I was on, I knew I'd be on Poppy. She's not a mare I've ridden before, but I have seen her work a couple times, and I know from those times that she's quick. She's a thinker and she likes to go fast. She's a very, very pretty 16hh TB x Shire. With TB blood, it's not surprising she's fizzy really!!

Anyway, I was warned before hand about her being fizzy (and her being in season which was only going to make her worse) and to be firm with her when (yes when, not if) she started trying to get too fast. I don't often get on well with fast and pully horses. I'm happy with plodders who need lots of work to go forward. It's what I'm used to, and it's what I get on best with. I'm good at making those horses wake up and work. Strong horses I'm not so good with. So I admit I got on with a little nervousness, which probably didn't help matters. But Poppy isn't like any horse I've ridden before really. Yes she's quick, yes she likes to get round to the back of the ride in record time, yes she jogs instead of walking when you don't let her trot. But, she does have breaks. They take some working, she's not an easy horse. But I felt safe on her. I could pull her back, I could turn her the opposite way to where she wanted to go, and I could settle her down. Eventually.






















So that's my new regular ride, until Barney is back in full work (I hope). But I'm really, really looking forward to the challenge. Poppy is a really sweet, fun horse. She's bright but she's not spooky, just fizzy. And I know now that I can hold her, I just need to find the right buttons to push at the right times.

Good Days Never Start With Spilt Milk

That's how my day started, and it didn't improve. Clearing up spilt milk and a broken bottle may not seem like a whole lot, but when you have CFS and your muscles protest at working before you can really wake up, it becomes a bit of a pain. Literally. Not to mention energy sapping.

So not a good start to the day. And it really hasn't improved. I've been in a crappy mood all day and don't really know why. It was a little better at lunch time, playing with Breeze and Red helped, but I soon got annoyed again. Exhaustion creeping in again I suspect.

At least dying my hair yesterday was a good choice. I think I'd class the color as purple, but it is a little hard to tell. It could be classed as pink. Either way, I really like it. It won't stay, I'll let it go natural again once it washes out, too much hassle dying it to do it too often, but I shall enjoy it while it lasts.

Havn't been about to write anything for a, um, maybe a week. That's pretty frustrating too and not helping matters. And I can't settle in to reading right now either, which is a sure sign that something isn't quite right. Happens from time to time, where unless its a new book that I'm desperate to read, I just can't settle to anything. It'll pass soon enough, but not being able to settle to anything, reading, writing or otherwise, means I start thinking too much. Getting more and more wound up in my thoughts, making bad days like this even worse. Shouldn't let it. Should just accept that it's a bad day and move on. But I can't. I think too much.

Going to go feed my rabbits now, get some ice cream (ultimate comfort food) and try and read for a bit before bed. Maybe.

Character Changes

I've half written a few blog rants in the past couple of days, the focus of them being my annoyance and frustration at character changes in books. Long running series' where characters have been well developed to a certain point, suddenly being very different people, saying or doing things that don't gel with the personality we've been shown.

Now, I don't mind certain changes, or big changes if they're done right, with reason and explanation. But I've read a few books semi-recently where this hasn't been the case. Where the way the characters are now written, makes no sense. There isn't a real explanation of why things have changed, and that's what's so frustrating.

I fully admit that I over analyze character relationships (friendships as well as romantic involvements) and characters in general. But there are certain things that can't be ignored. If something is built carefully by the author, with subtle signs, then theoretically it's going somewhere right? Why turn it on it's head and do something totally different. It doesn't make sense.

And when characters are in certain relationships that appear certain and stable, relationships that are meant to last, the protagonist falls for somebody else for no apparent reason. The original relationship was fine, nothing was going wrong, but now there is someone else and they are suddenly 'the one'. Something then happens, the new relationship falls apart, protagonist wants to go back to the old boyfriend cause he's the one. But he's no longer available, or stays away for some 'noble' reason. So despite being 'in love' with him, days later she's falling in love with a third guy. Why?!

Another thing I hate is when characters are suddenly turned on their heads. New books come out, set several months after the previous one, and everything is different. They've gone from being very grounded, settled characters with obvious goals and ambitions in life, to something almost unrecognizable. They're caring about things that never mattered before in their lives, doing things that don't fit the characters built so well in the previous books.

Now don't get me wrong, I know that change happens and sometimes big changes happen fast. But, there is a limit to what's believable. When people are grounded and happy with who they are and what they're doing, they don't become totally different people within months without some serious incident. Without that trigger, there isn't reason for such change. Characters I loved before are now different people, people I don't think I'd like all that much even if they were brand new characters I was reading about.

I can't help wondering why these changes happen. Do these few authors just not care like they used to? Or do they honestly believe that the changes made are realistic and that readers will just go with them because they're there?

Late Night Ramblings...

Again.

I really do need to get out of this stupid sleep routine, but oh well.

I've been spending the past couple of days sorting out my room, and I always forget how long it takes. Even if I could do more than CFS allows me to it would take forever. I always think 'oh I just need to move a few things, tidy up a little in the wordrobe maybe, throw a few obvious things out.' But it never happens like that, before I know it, I'm sorting everything. And I really mean that. Most of the rooms been tackled now, tomorrow I tackle the top of my wordrobe. That's going to be the killer. There is a massive amount of stuff piled up there and it will take a long while, longer than I expect I'm sure, for me to go through it all. Right now I have a few piles of random stuff scattered around my room because there's no point puttin stuff away when I'll likely want to move it, or add things to it once I've sorted through the wordrobe. So for now, just a mess. A mess that will probaby triple tomorrow. Sigh. Worth it, but totally, totally draining.

My main aim for this week had been to go shopping in town one day, that day was going to be Tuesday, then Wednesday, now at the earliest it will be Thursday. If, big if, I don't end up overdoing it tomorrow. Which is highly likely. So, that probably means shopping next week instead. Amazing how simple plans end up being derailed. Well, I'd go shopping and sort out tomorrow, but I can barely do one cause of CFS, so sorting comes first. That way, if I decide I need anything, I can get it at the same time.

Thankfully, I've not been too tired to write. Though I will be if I keep being hit by midnight muses. That happened a couple nights ago. I hadn't touched SoD c11 for a couple days and I just opened it to look and see what I thought I might do the following day, instead I started writing and didn't stop for about 2 hours. Got some stuff in there that I hadn't been planning on, but I really like it, so it's a good thing. Currently have c11 in 5 different word documents though, which I simply find amusing. It's a long chapter, but not nearly long enough to warrent that! Still, it's all good. I managed to get more done again today, until I hit a block that can't be overcome with out sleep and rest, but it's coming on really well. Easier than any chapter since the first couple I think. Which is nice. That said, the next could prove tougher. I know what's going to happen in it, it's been roughly plotted, but I think I'm still going ot struggle to write it. Still, almost there. It will soon be all finished.

And in time for Spring Harvest, just like I promised Emma. Though I admit, when she said last year it had to be done so she could read it all this year, I thought 'Sure, no problem. If it takes me even close to that to get it finished, I'll be really fed up.' And here we are only a couple months from SH and it's not yet done. But it will be. It has to be. That's the deal.

Hopefully Not So Bad...

I've just been rambling on in an email to a good friend about how odd I've been feeling lately, so hopefully it won't spill in to this for a change. Other than writing that of course.

CFS is a strange thing to deal with. You have to think about how something is going to affect you the day or even days after you do something as well as the day you do it. Now, having been ill for 9 years now, you'd think I knew that. But, when I agreed to see to a friends dogs for an hour twice a week, I forgot that. Now, it's not somethign I regret or that i'll stop doing, but having not ridden last Saturday due to the weather, I've noticed I'm not feeling nearly as bad as I have been this time of the week. So, it's made me take notice of things. Like how doing stuff 4 days a week, in a row, is a really bad idea for me. And yet I do it anyway. Nothing to give up. Well, anymore, this coming Sunday will be the last Mettle Sunday I help at, and then I won't have anything to give up. Nothing I want to change either. Just need to find a better way to do everything and not suffer so badly for it. Ha, if that's even possible!!

Getting more regular sleep would probably help *glances at the clock that reads 12.04am and knows it will be at least an hour before she goes to bed* ...but I'm kinda addicted to my late nights!

Ill. Again

A very common thing for me this time of year, ill for a couple of weeks, a little better for a day or two, then ill again, for a total of around 3 months. Still well in the grip of that right now and it's starting to show. My last post was almost a warning sign. For a couple of days I was feeling very down for no real reason. Early signs that maybe depression is creeping in. Again. Except, things are going fairly ok right now, apart from being ill, so it doesn't entierly make sense. Mostly right now I think I need to take it all as a warning sign. Stay busy, keep my mind occupied, not allowing myself to focus on the bad stuff, just keep going.

So when riding was cancelled yesterday due to the snow and ice, I spent time writing again. For some reason I've avoided it for a few days, yet wanted to write a lot of the time. Strange. Anyway, I deleted about a page and a half to start with and wrote that section again, and I'm much happier with it now, though there are still edits required to it I'm sure. I hope to be able to settle and work on it later, but it will really depend on how I'm feeling after Mettle. And right now, I don't feel good!! This chapter of SoD may be the strangest I've written yet. I wrote the beginning followed by the end (though there's a bit to tag on there) and now I'm working on the middle. Never worked that way before, but it's working in this case. It will all need some smoothing over to make it flow I suspect, but it should be easy enough once I've finished the middle section and I've read it all through together. I hope! I'm so close to the end of this fic it's driving me crazy. I can just about see the finished thing in my head, and now I just have to get it on to paper, or in to Word suppose. Just a couple more chapters to go, actually, probably one after this one and this is half done! So close, yet so far. Now If I could just have some more energy to allow me the time to work on it, that'd be great!

Early Morning Blogging

2.40am.

Probably a bad time to blog, but I'm awake and the site I'd normally be messing around on, is down and I feel like writing. And better this than trying to write. If I start writing, it will go two ways, one where I stay up for another couple hours cause I hit on something I really like. Or I get really frustrated with it cause I can't focus on it properly. Either way, not a good idea. So I shall satisfy myself by babbling away on here for a few minutes instead. Or that's the theory. Not sure it's going to work. But oh well.

Had an odd evening the other day. Had been an okay day, nothing really happened, thought I was doing okay, turned out I wasn't. Dad snapped at me for something I didn't do and I snapped back. Haven't done that in a while. And it's been even longer since snapping back ended in me storming out and collapsing in tears. Cause: Exhaustion. Not a good sign. So when I woke up to a knock at the front door this morning (well, yesterday morning now) and then checked the clock, I shouldn't have been surprised to see that it was almost midday. Guess I really needed the sleep. Except now I feel all screwed up, not rested. I spent the rest of the day reading, just like I'd been planning, but I did so feeling flat. Kept looking outside at the snow coated world around me and just didn't care. Bad day. Need real sleep to help. Hard to sleep at a regular time when you sleep 'til midday though. Been here before, and I doubt this is the last time I'll deal with this problem.

Mostly I'm hoping tomorrow, er, today, goes better. I don't like days where nothing really affects me. And yet when they happen, I can't improve them any. The best I can do is to not let the day get any worse, which I think I managed for once. Now if I could just sleep and feel better when I wake, that'd be great.

Not sure putting 24 on was a good idea either. Could quite happily stay up and watch a couple more episodes despite it now being a little after 3am. Just not tired enough to go to bed and sleep. So, better to ramble on here about nothing and watch 24 than lie in bed unable to sleep. Think too much then. Not a good idea in this state.

Huh. Lots of bad ideas in this post. Knew it wasn't a good idea to blog now. Just don't care though.

Shifters

So this week I've been waiting for Pride to show up having been released on Feb 1st. It's the third in the Shifters series by Rachel Vincent, the first two being Stray and Rouge. And since its been a while since Rouge was out, I've been re-reading them and remembering how much I adore the series. They're an urban fantasy series about Werecats and I basically fell in love with them. The narrater is Faythe Sanders, a Tabbie, a female werecat in a male dominant world. A world where a girls job consists of marrying a Tom (male werecat) and having a daughter (which generally means having a bunch of sons first) to carry on the Pride. Not something Faythe wants to do. She's fought against it for most of her life, leaving her man (Marc) at the alter and going away to college instead. But that's landed her in more trouble then she could have envisioned. Which leads to Pride:

Here's hoping cats do have nine lives

I’m on trial for my life. Accused of infecting my human ex-boyfriend—and killing him to cover up the crime. I’m not guilty. But tell that to the panel of Alphas sitting in judgment. Infecting a human is one of three capital offenses recognized by the Pride—along with murder and disclosure of our existence to a human.

I’m two for three. A goner.

On top of that, Marc is in danger of being tossed from the Pride, then we discovered a rogue stray terrorizing the mountainside, hunting a wild teenage tabbycat. I think I can protect her from both the ambitious rogue and the scheming of the territorial council.

If I survive my own trial…

This series has pretty much everything I love. Fantasy, strong, well developed characters, a sense of humor, well thought out story with lots of twists and turns, and a little romance thrown in too. I really like the idea of Werecats. It's not something I've read before and Rachel's created a detailed world, delving in to many levels of werecat life, making it 3D and very realistic. Or as realistic as Urban Fantasy gets! I really love Faythe's character, the way she's growing up and learning more and more about the world she's fought, the world she has no choice but to live in. And I really like the cast of supporting characters around her as well. Overall, just a really great series and I really am desperate for it to be tomorrow so I will have Pride in my hands at last!

Why am I blogging just about this series though? Well, Rachel Vincent offers her readers many chances to win advance copies of her work or signed copies or various other goodies to go with the series, and the latest one asks us to blog about the series, with details of Pride, in order to try and win. So I'm blogging about Shifters and hoping I've remembered all the criteria correctly! lol :)

Exhaustion

It's been a bit of a long few days. Went shopping on Friday morning to stock up on books (8 of them to be exact) and so I've been reading a lot since then. I bought a couple by authors I've not tried before, so I'm looking forward to finding out if they're any good. Then horse riding yesterday, which went well, but Winston was being lazy, so it was a little hard going. Then a trip to town for The Mix tonight. Again, a good time, but I'm shattered now. A bad cold on top of things is not helping matters.

What's bothing me though is getting in to the middle of SoD chapter 11. My muse is being reluctant to come to the fore. It's there, constantly teasing me. But it's not quite wanting to cooperate with me right now. A little furstrating as I very much want to get this fic finished. I've been working on it for so long now, and I'm wanting to move on to other things. But I don't want to start anything else whilst I'm trying to finish this. I already have my VA fic to work on as well, adding another story to it is not a good idea! Plus, my next project will be a bit different and I want to give it the attention it deserves.

A few quiet days would probably help everything, but sadly that doesn't seem to be an option in my life right now. Which, for someone who has very little energy to give, is not a good thing!